I am BIG and BEAUTIFUL

I have always been big. Well, almost. I was a petite child till we moved to the quiet neighbourhood we still live in. There was not a soul to be found within a 25mile radius. There were no kids to play with and since I was the last kid at home, I had to keep myself entertained.

Books became my companions. Anything I could lay my hands on, I would devour and move on to the next. With the novels came food. Comfort food. I created a world into which I would retreat. The novels, my bed and a wide array of snacks. Gemütlichkeit.

Until the pounds came pounding on. People started asking questions. Many Ghanaians seem to think that curvy people do not posses mirrors. Well, WE DO!

Is your sister sick? Why is she growing so fat?

My weight became my description. ´´The fat girl? She lives over there´´. My brother would refuse to go out with me because I was a ´fatso´. (That was his choice name for me for a while).

They said I looked like a Kalyppo box. A milo tin, a baby elephant, a facility, an infrastructure and would soon become an establishment.

Soon those words started to sink in. I was FAT, therefore I was not beautiful.

I went through a phase where I would only wear black. I would go for parties and stay close to the wall. Wanting to blend in with the wall so no one would notice just how big I was. It was either that or hiding in the toilet. I avoided taking photos, mirrors or anything that would make me look fat!

There was one day when I was in the office and one of our suppliers came by. My boss had just had a baby. The lady walked in and said  ´ XXX, you look so beautiful. Pregnancy suits you´. Vic, does not look as good because she is so fat!

Countless people saw me and asked ´Have you had a baby? Why are you growing so big? Are you competing with your sister? She just had a baby. You should be careful´. Needless to say, I was insecure. Even though I was extremely hot and sexy, I did not think so. Because, I was FAT!

 I remember hearing things like ´The two of you remind me of Michael Jordan and his basketball. Him, slim and tall. You, short and round´´. Ouch! Or driving to my friend´s office and having him look at me with so much disgust because I had gained all the weight back and then some.

You see, I had been told that I needed to go on a diet and lose weight by an amazing doctor. I saw the nutritionist and lost 6 kg in 6 weeks. Whoa! I was an Ambassador for an amazing diet plan. i started a blog, roped my colleagues into it and felt truly happy with myself.

Third year came and I  got a job at the German Chamber and started attending events in hotels. Each investor who came had to be taken to arguably the best hotels in Accra.  Honeysuckle ( Honey coated wings), Captain Hooks, Monsoon (The Virgin Colada there is aamazing), Le Tandem( The best duck in the world), Coco Lounge( Chicken Quesadillas  to-die for). (sighs) Yes, i am a foodie. Unfortunately, i do not have Maukeni Kodjo´s genes, and so it shows 🙂

Back to square one.

The only other time I had been slim was when I had my first heartbreak. As a consequence of crying my heart out and moping around for weeks, I dropped from a size 16 to a size 8. Yes! I was finally slim tins, and how I rocked it!

 

After magical diet

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I cannot tell you the number of diets I have been on. The worst part is the insecurity that eats you up. I had been going on and on about my weight when one of my male friends told me  ´´You are an amazing woman and any man would love to be with you, but if you don’t accept yourself, you will drive the guy away´. Wow! Talk about hard truth.

I thought I had accepted myself until some recent events exposed some niggling faulty thinking.

So I wrote this poem:

 I am big and beautiful

With a confident gait

The gift of gab,

And dark beady eyes

That turn into slits with each full blown smile

 

I am big and beautiful

Curvaceaous, amazing, delightful

Never a dull moment around me

Only full of surprises

A tad unpredictable

Always lovable, Not always adorable

 

I am big and beautiful

Lots of me to hug and hold

Like most curvy women,

I give the most amazing hugs

Hugs full of sugar

All heart, all warmth

 

I am big and beautiful

Just lovely the way I am!

 

 

 

*Gemütlichkeit is used to express feelings of warmth, comfort and coziness

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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21 Replies to “I am BIG and BEAUTIFUL”

  1. I lived in the same neighborhood as you. Truth be told I thought you weren’t friendly. It’s funny how a friend shared your blog, and I must say, it’s very brave of you to share a part of you with readers. Keep writing.
    May we all find our muse to share a part of us with everyone.

  2. Looks like you’ve dialled my number. unfortunately because I’m a sanguine people think my weight doesn’t bother me. Thankfully I found someone who loves me…yes, all of me. But I could only accept that when I learned to love my self. We may never be size 6/8 but it doesn’t change the fact that we were created in the image and likeness of God. Keep being you! You Rock!!!! P.s. I always thought your size was perfect… for me it was PERFECT!

  3. Afua!!! I won’t type an essay. You’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve been lucky to share a last name with.and you’re just as beauriful on the inside too(which to me is more important than anything else)Im not just saying this cause I’m your cousin but cause I really do feel this way. I love you and I hope you come to love and see yourself the way I do and more.ehugs.xx

  4. Vicash I’ve always said your size is okay. People said I was as thin as a broom. Ghanaians, no matter your size will comment on it. Keep writing and looking beautiful. Curvaceous is beautiful and God sculptured

  5. Been ages! I always say I’ll read but never get round to it. It was beautiful hearing the Victoria I know and who’s mind I greatly admired. I envied your bottom like something. A woman with enough body! Lol. We’ve been out of touch but it was great hearing you again,felt nicely familiar.

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